Designing Happiness in a Time of Loss

Each moment in life has a blessing or/and a lesson. So when our favorite vase, which was home to three of our guppie fishes broke two days ago, we asked ourselves “What’s the lesson in losing something we love?”.

The lesson is an answer to a similar question we’ve had to address this year. A question that’s been relevant to many of us this year.

“How do you deal with losing a loved one?”

Here’s our answer. We continue to deal with it through gratitude.

Two months ago our Grandma, who was our parent, our fan, and our friend joined our ancestors. She passed away from cancer.

When mom called to inform us that our grandma had just passed away in her arms, we held ourselves and cried. Nothing truly prepares you for it. It’s a whole new experience to process. Our first closest experience of death. It was a jarringly unfamiliar territory, but practicing gratitude comforted and guided us through it.

We practice gratitude for every moment we’re in because it ensures that we’re present. When we’re present and intentional, the time spent with others begins to matter a whole lot. Time is a chance to make memories with them while you still have them. Given the only thing permanent is impermanence, it is inevitable that they will one day go. So while they are here we put in the energy to be intentionally here, with them. We put in the energy to create great memories we can look back at when they are gone.

We were always grateful we had our grandma as she was an incredible example of impact and what it means to give energy. We did everything we could to give energy back to her. She knew this and would always let us know how proud of us she was. The memory of this and our acts of gratitude brought us comfort in her physical absence.

Our gratitude for our grandma taught us how to process the loss of our vase — with gratitude. We were grateful for its existence in our lives, the energy it brought to us, and the purpose it served. We had shown our gratitude by taking care of it and using it to beautifully host life and capturing it in a way that brought happiness to all who saw it.

Chadwick Boseman passed away on the day our vase broke. As with everything, most especially loss, we have chosen to respond to it with gratitude. We are grateful for Chadwick Boseman’s existence. Grateful that we had him bring to life the characters he played, especially Black Panther, which had a tremendous impact on black people all over the world. We are grateful for the example of black excellence he was and for the impact he made. We are grateful for the energy he gave.

In the midst of gratitude during loss, is also the recognition that death isn’t the end. Energy never dies. The energy of our ancestors, those we love, and those who love us will always live within us. Our goal is to make them happy by expressing gratitude and using the energy they left us to create a better future. A future they’d be happy to come back to.