A tribute to our Grandma

Three weeks ago on a Sunday like this, we had planned to record our first episode of the Designing Happiness podcast. Three weeks ago on a Sunday like this, our Grandmother who was our parent, our fan, and our friend passed away. Three weeks ago on a Sunday like this, we started a journey of learning how to design our happiness when unfortunate events we can’t control for happen. No greater test of designing happiness exists than when you lose a loved one – and now we understand that on a profound level.

Our grandmother was a consistent figure in our lives; from the day she carried us when we were born. Her husband, our grandfather, had just passed away a few months before that day, so we had felt like the gain she needed after that loss. She brought so much energy to our lives as we grew. During the Abacha era, she kept our family together when our mother was exiled from Nigeria for demanding accountability. She was the one who would walk in, soaking wet from the rain, with food so we could eat. She was the one who showed up during open days in boarding school. She was the one who made sure the senior who slapped Chine so hard it left a mark on his face, got punished. She was the one who would call when we were on the way to catch a flight and when we landed. She was the one who tirelessly walked around Tejuosho market looking for an apparel gift for Mohini, Chuba’s fiancée. She was the one who got up early at 3am or 4am every day to pray for the entire family. She was the one who did everything. She was everything…and now she’s transitioned.

 

 

She had cancer and we hoped for a miracle, but this wasn’t something we could control for. A key aspect of designing happiness is designing the things we can control for. However, life brings events that are completely out of our control. Some of these events bring a sense of gain and others bring a sense of loss. The latter is where the need to design one’s happiness becomes even more important. The latter is where we need to make sure the things we can control for bring us happiness and the things we can’t control for are reframed from a place of gratitude.

 

 

For us to find happiness in the past weeks since she passed away, we’ve had to view and frame life from a place of gratitude. What does this look like? We’ve had to find gratitude in the time we spent with her. We’ve had to find gratitude in the energy she brought into our lives and the lives of others. We’ve had to find gratitude in the memories we have with and of her. We’ve had to find gratitude in the fact that energy never dies and she lives on. There’s an intense ache when we remember we’ll no longer hear her round up her prayers for us with “I love you all”, but remembering these memories from a place of gratitude has helped.

 

 

Two weeks ago at her funeral, a thoughtful interviewer asked us what we would say to her if she could hear us and we said we’d make her proud like she always said we did. We promised we’d keep making her proud and that we’d amplify the energy she’s passed down to us. Our grandmother had so much energy and was always happy to give and empower others with it. We’re grateful we got to experience this energy and we’re grateful for how it has shaped who we are. She always wanted us to succeed, be happy, and empower others. Writing this book on ‘Designing happiness – into your life’ and all the other media content we’re currently working on is one of the ways we intend to honor and amplify her energy. As always, we’re grateful we get to do this and we’re grateful you’re all on this journey with us. 🙏🏾